Backpage Attack of the Сyberstalker

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Owning up to your feelings can prevent cyberstalking.

I’ve decided that Backpage, Facebook, and Tagged are not social networks - they’re anti-social networks, and have been and will be responsible for the demise of many good potential friendships or relationships and the deterioration of the mental sanity of otherwise common-sense laden folks. And don’t get me started on text messaging, a form of communication slightly more advanced than the smoke signal.

So, I’ve been casually seeing a guy for several months. After some self-reflection, I realized my feelings for him kicked up a notch but I didn’t want to admit it to myself, so I internalized and ignored. But what goes in, must come out, and it came out as a first-degree backpage cyberstalk.

I found myself visiting his backpage profile pages a couple times a day, wondering why he’s logged into his page and hasn’t called me. Did he delete me from his friends list on purpose or was it a trick to see if I’d notice? Who are those girls leaving comments on his page or wall? And what’s the number of times you should text someone in a three day period? Then there’s that whole well what if they didn’t get the text thing . . . do you follow with a call or will that make you look crazy?

The cyberstalking went on for a few days before I began to get angry (yes, at him) and frustrated with relationships, dating and myself. I woke up in a funk the next day swearing him off altogether.

New tools like social networking sites and text messaging can and never will take the place of real live socializing. There’s too much room for error and miscommunication that can arise from our fears and insecurities. If I had pulled my head out of otherwise dark crevices and owned up to my feelings and decided to have an old-fashioned conversation with the man, I might have avoided wasting precious internet energy going through his friends list.

Or, maybe “he’s just not that into me” and I’m trying to cover up the potential rejection by overcompensating for what I perceived as his lack of communication efforts.

Either way, in life and love, acknowledging and dealing with our true feelings will eliminate many needless bouts with anger and frustration. Taking a step back and examining our actions (and being woman enough to own up to our insecurities as the occasional driving force) is the first step in changing our thought process to attract better relationships and avoid needless arguments and altercations that really have nothing to do with the action, or inaction, of anyone else but ourselves.

And at the least, it may make you think twice before you decide to backpage cyberstalk.

I think it’s a couple things:
It indicates a personality type that is perceived as free spirited and open minded.
It does act as a class and income indicator (you rarely see people posed on four wheelers who describe themselves as a working class hero list out tons of countries in SE Asia they’ve been to).
It is part of an identity the way a job or family would be with others.
It gives a lot of people both built in connections and stories (“Oh, you’ve been to Thailand’s full moon parties? Cool!”
It’s something to fill the space and give people something to talk about *that is not controversial or easy to argue about*. I think that’s key. Many of my values could be immediate deal breakers to men (I’m a feminist, for openers) but hardly anyone is going to bristle at my desire/interest in travel. Easy opener, easy connection, easy source of questions and conversation.

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